Sleep Divorce: Can It Relieve Your Chronic Pain?

When you live with awful pain, sleep can quickly become a battleground. The mattress feels agonizingly uncomfortable. Even the simple act of rolling over results in searing pain. You wake up exhausted and hurting more than when you went to bed!

To solve the problem, a growing number of chronic pain sufferers are choosing to try “sleep divorce”. That can mean sleeping in the same room with your partner, but in different beds. More often, it means sleeping in different rooms altogether. Slightly more than one-third of all U.S. couples currently (and by choice) do not share a bed. And it turns out that can be a blessing for those who struggle with pain.

In this blog we’ll answer common questions about sleep divorce and its impact on pain management:

• How common is sleep divorce?
• Is there a link between sleep divorce and pain relief?
• Are there any drawbacks to a sleep divorce?
• Is sleep divorce right for you?
  
  

How common Is “sleep divorce”?

More common than you might think! A survey published last month by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) found that about one-third of all U.S. adult partners are choosing this sleeping arrangement. Meanwhile, a Global Sleep Survey conducted by the health technology company Resmed found that 50% of American partners now sleep apart from their mate.

Unrelated research finds that age figures heavily into the popularity of sleep divorce. Among the 2,007 U.S. adults surveyed in the AASM study, Millennials (ages 35 to 44) were most likely to “divorce” for nighttime slumber. A whopping 43% of them have agreed to go it alone for sleep hours. At the other end of spectrum, among adults ages 65 and older, only 18% report that they sleep separately.

Why the dramatic disparity? Some researchers speculate that Millennials actually may be forced into sleep divorce by competing work schedules and prevalent work stress. Others think it’s a reflection of this age group’s general willingness to negotiate their way through a long- term relationship, trying to be mutually respectful in a way that was not common or even considered desirable among older partnerships. Still others say that the “tech-savvy” inclination of Millennials makes them more interested in personally testing the science of how to achieve “good sleep.”

Is there a link between sleep divorce and pain relief?

Yes, apparently there is. Although the data varies slightly from one study to another, a majority (usually about 65%) of sleep divorcees report that the arrangement has resulted in better sleep.

According to Michelle Drerup, a psychologist and director or Behavioral Sleep Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, the simple fact that you’re sharing a bed with your partner means you’re at risk for sleep disturbance. And studies show that disturbed sleep links to chronic pain in about 75% of human subjects. (Some studies have put the number at 88% among non-cancer pain sufferers.)

So sleeping separately does seem to offer relief to those battling chronic pain conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, headache and migraine, neuropathy, and back pain.

Those who stick with sleep divorce also report that they sleep an average of 37 minutes more every night. That may not sound like a lot, but it can make a crucial difference in a person’s physical and emotional stamina—which correlates to lower perception of pain.

Are there any drawbacks to sleep divorce?

There can be. Over 25% of couples who try sleeping separately eventually return to sharing a bed. Roughly a third of them reported that sleeping separately just made one or both of them feel too lonely for their partner.

It’s also worth noting that the goal of better sleep isn’t always achieved by sleep divorce. In fact, of the couples who return to co-sleeping, 40% report that their sleep quality improved after ending their separate sleep experiment.

Sleeping alone also lowers some people’s sense of nighttime security. This can lead to lighter sleep, as they remain in “surveillance mode”, more attuned to threats or intrusion in the sleep environment. When their bed partner is present, they gain reassurance and improved sleep.

A 2022 study published by the journal Sleep, found that sleeping next to a life partner can lower levels of depression, anxiety, and stress; decrease your risk of sleep apnea; and reduce the severity of insomnia.

Another study of 778 participants found that the physical and sexual intimacy that comes with sleeping next to your partner actually triggers the release of the hormone oxytocin, which not only promotes better sleep but also reduces stress and promotes bonding.

Finally, one research study found that people are more likely to fall asleep faster when sleeping next to their partner. Sleep experts argue that this matters because the less time you spending falling asleep, the better your sleep will be.

Is sleep divorce right for you?

Most important, says Seema Khosla, MD, a spokesperson for the new AASM sleep divorce study, “There should be an open discussion amongst bed partners to discuss what is the best fit for their sleep patterns and life.” Especially if pain is making it a struggle to sleep, talk with each other about how sleeping separately might work. Could making easy adjustments (like wearing earplugs to muffle one partner’s snoring or adjusting the bedroom temperature) solve the problem?

And if you ultimately do decide to try a sleep divorce, make sure to prioritize evening interaction with your bed partner. Whether you plan to be sexually intimate or not, spend time together in the same bed every night until you’re ready to actually go to sleep. Only then should you move to separate beds or bedrooms.

Don’t Forget: Amazing-Solutions Can Also Help!

If a sleep divorce sounds like an interesting idea but still feels like “a last resort,” why not try a few of our all-herbal sleep aide products. Our Pain Spray Mist and Roll-On both offer powerful pain relief that lasts for hours. Keep a bottle on your bedroom nightstand, and apply just before going to sleep. We also offer an aromatherapy remedy called Sleep. It’s a pocket-size inhaler that that blends together pure essentials of vanilla, lavender, hops, and marjoram – natural remedies that have been used for centuries to promote faster, deeper, longer sleep.

Take good care. And let me know if you found this post useful.

Kate Vozoff is CEO of Amazing-Solutions, a Lamaze certified childbirth instructor, and writer with special interest in holistic health.

 

Sources

1. Over a third of Americans opt for a “sleep divorce”. https://aasm.org/over-a-third-americans-opt-sleep-divorce/. Accessed August 6, 2025.
2. Sleep Divorce? One in Three Couples Sleeps Separately—Why It Might Help You Get More Rest. https://www.health.com/do-sleep-divorces-lead-to-better-sleep-11780674. Accessed August 7, 2025
3. The Importance of Sleep for People with Chronic Pain: Current Insights and Evidence. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9289983/. Accessed August 7, 2.025
4. Is It Time for a Sleep Divorce? https://www.jeffersonhealth.org/your-health/living-well/is-it-time-for-a-sleep-divorce. Accessed August 7,2025
5. What Is a Sleep Divorce? https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/what-is-a-sleep-divorce. Accessed August 8, 2025.
6. The Role of Couple Sleep Concordance in Sleep Quality: Attachment as a Moderator of Associations. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6702108/. Accessed August 8, 2025.
7. The Effect of Intranasal Oxytocin on the Association Between Couple Interaction and Sleep: A Placebo Controlled Study. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35472193/. Accessed August 8, 2025.
8. Married Millennials Are Getting ‘Sleep Divorces”. https://www.vice.com/en/article/married-millennials-sleep-divorces/. Accessed August 10, 2025.